It's time for yet another list. This is one dedicated to things that Mama Brown is still angry about. This is not to say that she holds grudges, but the items on this list are things that may or may not immediately infuriate her if they are mentioned.
95% of the time, Mama Brown is happy, jovial, smiling, and sometimes singing a tune. During the other 5% of the time, she may or may not be at varying stages of anger-depending on the level of sarcasm she is exposed to in that moment. Mama Brown does not like sarcasm, but when around her family, she is often engulfed by it.
If you ever meet the one and only Mama Brown, make sure not to mention these things...
#1-Once and only once, Mama Brown forgot to pick Decadence up from school. Mama Brown hates that Decadence remembers this isolated incident. She also hates that occasionally in conversation about nothing related to this incident, Decadence will work it into the conversation.
This makes Mama Brown growl with anger.
 |
#2-Mama Brown has always been a bit of a fashionista. Many years ago she got a new ensemble that flowed majestically in the wind or when she walked. One day she put it on with great pride to wear it to some sort of event.
The ensemble never saw the light of day due to the feedback she received from Father Brown. Upon seeing his wife in the new ensemble, he said "You look like you're ready to ride a camel."
 |
| IOUs inspire hate in Mama Brown |
#3-Father Brown for some reason or another did not do his Christmas shopping for Mama Brown one year. His two children received gifts as per usual, but Mama Brown opened wrapped box after wrapped box of IOUs. Each IOU specified what Father Brown intended to buy Mama Brown and she could turn these in at any time for the actual item, just not on Christmas day.
This Christmas has been mentioned and relived with each new Christmas celebration. Mama Brown was not amused then and she has never been amused one day since...
#4-Being featured in this blog.
#5-Mama Brown has various actresses and shows that make her scream in horror upon the mere mentioning...
~Carol Channing (from "Hello Dolly" among other things)
~Bernadette Peters
~Joan Rivers
~Joan Crawford (especially in Mommy Dearest)
~Annie (as in the Broadway play)
~"It's a Wonderful Life"
#6-As a senior in high school, the parents of Decadence decided that they would bestow upon her a "new" car that she could "take to college with her". Decadence was briefly consulted about this. Although Decadence was less than thrilled to leave her Scirocco behind, she was excited at the idea of taking a car to college with her. The "new" car was purchased from Decadence's aunt and uncle.
 |
It was a Moby Dick inspired White Whale of a car. A boat that struggled to stay in its lane.
Actually it was a 1996 (?) white Mercury Grand Marquis-that looked nothing like this car...
Upon first sight, Decadence declared that this car would not be going to college with her. Decadence is not picky on a regular basis nor is she overly concerned by what others think of her or her ride, but here she had hit her limit for some inexplicable reason.
Due to the inconsistent performance of the Scirocco, it became imperative that unless she wanted to ride the bus to school, Decadence would have to drive the cruise ship to high school.
At Decadence's high school there were numbered parking spots. After a month into school, all of the driving students were completely familiar with their friends and other students' parking spots. Decadence had one that was, of course, front and center.
On this day, she somehow navigated the car into the parking spot without propping the car halfway on the curb. This was also the day of a full-day field trip to Atlanta. Wishing to create the suspicion that some unknown student had stolen Decadence's parking spot for the day, Decadence ran from the car and inside the school building as soon as the car was in place.
 |
Visual likeness of the parking job that morning. |
Decadence boarded the bus to ATL and enjoyed the rest of the day without mention of the car.
The field trip ran over and Decadence + the other field trip students arrived back at school about an hour after the school day ended.
"No worries," thought Decadence, "I have the mammoth to take me home." While walking to the car, she began to reach in her bookbag for the car keys. "Where'd I put the keys? Hmmm" (more searching). "Surely I didn't…"
In this moment, Decadence reached the car. The driver's side door was unlocked and only slightly ajar. Keys were in the ignition. Sitting in the car, Decadence did not notice anything out of place. Turning the key in the ignition did nothing to start the beast. "Uh oh. Mom's going to think I did this on purpose."
Her best guess was that she had left the car running, with the door slightly open…for the entire day.
Now of course, the battery was dead.
Mama Brown was called to retrieve the stranded Decadence.
 |
She was fiery mad, brimming with thoughts that this was done intentionally. As a final note, this list was read to Mama Brown prior to posting, resulting in many screams from Mama Brown and a new anger for each of the items listed.  It's all done in love, Mama Brown! |
No comments:
Post a Comment