Although Decadence has played her fair share of "your team" in which awkward, strange, funny, or unfortunate happenings are placed on another's "team", she loves all (well most) people. She does not discriminate or make judgements about other people, knowing that this is neither productive nor her place. This is in no way meant to be offensive-it is merely an account of the happenings and social awkwardness Decadence lives with on a daily basis.
Before the story begins, it is imperative that some recent topics of discussion and/or speculative assumptions made about Decadence are reviewed and clarified:
#1 The "Home Team" sticker placed strategically on Decadence's mode of transportation is not representative of love/preference for the same sex. Home Team is actually the idea that someone takes pride in where they came from, where they are going and owning it, this idea started by Sam Holt a member of Widespread Panic and Outformation.
Exact replica of the Home Team sticker
#2 In her time as a sometimes-functional working adult, Decadence was able to save her loose change and buy the car her high school self dreamed of having…and because she grew up in north Georgia, this meant an old-body Toyota 4-Runner with All-Terrain tires (pictured here). Why she did not chose to buy a more professional looking car to fit her daytime working professional life, the world will never know. Working tirelessly with her coworkers at the time of the purchase to find suitable name for the SUV, the group decision was made to name the ride Judyth. Judyth is a tough looking vehicle with absolutely no frills, she is the roughest, toughest Tomboy on the block. She makes noise (with her aggressive "shoes" or tires) as she cruises down the road and she intimidates smaller cars, pedestrians, and cyclists with her size. For these things, Judyth makes no apologies (but the host self of Decadence does).#3 Decadence plays sports as an adult. She loves competitive sports where physical contact is part of the game. Soccer is Decadence's favorite and she plays on both woman's and co-ed teams.
Decadence, as a young sprout, grew up playing soccer first with her younger brother and then on organized teams. Decadence played on co-ed soccer teams until she began playing for the middle school and high school teams that would only allow her to play with the girls. Decadence was not thrilled, but she went with it. It has been said that young Decadence's favorite part of "playing with the boys" (mind out of the gutter please-we are talking soccer) was beating the boys. She hit just as hard and before puberty struck the boys, she ran faster, she kicked harder and she feared no one...it would be accurate to say that the boys feared her.
This is not so different now. Although the boys run faster now, Decadence still jumps right in the middle of a chase for the ball, has been known to push, shove, or run straight into a grown man (with varying results). At times, the sports-playing, rough-and-tumble tomboy side of Decadence has been fodder for speculation...but this would be another assumption or stereotype.
**It should also be noted that on several occasions, new friends of Decadence have tried to recruit her to play on a woman's rugby. Decadence has respectfully declined. One must have limits even when one loves "yes" as much as Decadence.
**It should also be noted that on several occasions, new friends of Decadence have tried to recruit her to play on a woman's rugby. Decadence has respectfully declined. One must have limits even when one loves "yes" as much as Decadence.
#4 Day-time Decadence, only a recent occurrence made necessary by her line of work where one must be ready to defend oneself, run, yell, or laugh off a verbal attack when all else fails, dresses in a fashion that is very un-Decadence. In order to deter sexually inappropriate comments, thoughts, or advances from the population with which Decadence works, she wears any combination of the following clothing items: polos in assorted colors (she has quite an extensive collection), not-form-fitting khaki or other colored pants, loose-fitting button-down collared shirts, layered shirts, and an occasional zippered vest.
This wardrobe, although safe and practical on the surface may have attributed to the situation that is about the be recounted; especially when combined with the previously listed elements and the fact that Decadence refrains from discussing her personal life with coworkers (for obvious reasons).
Now that the above information has been reviewed, it is time for the main event. Keep in mind, the moral of this story is: all assumptions and stereotypes aside, sexual harassment is sexual harassment (repeated ad nauseum).
The four-point list above essentially compiles all of the knowledge that the coworkers of Decadence know about her. In addition to these things, they have not heard her speak of a significant other, they are aware she has no children, they know she has roommates, and she does not live nearby.
Leading up to the day in question, Decadence had been her usual friendly self, making small talk with coworkers and keeping topics of conversation appropriate for the workplace. As stated earlier, personal stories from Decadence's life were not topics of conversation, for as one could gather from the stories included in this blog-personal stories would not only be inappropriate for the workplace, but they might also prove detrimental to Decadence's future employment.
Decadence's tight-lipped approach to her personal life tended to bring about the opposite effect for her coworkers. Perhaps because Decadence is young, smiles a lot, and tends to have a friendly look during the course of the day, she heard numerous stories from her coworkers. She listened to stories about various things, some work appropriate and some very much not. Details are excluded because this story is not meant to be an expose.
One particular female coworker, early 40s, went out of her way to help Decadence while she was adjusting to the new workplace and environment. She would take time to come chat with Decadence during free time, told Decadence all about the things going on in her life, and after a short time Decadence felt safe reciprocating with details from her own experience in Jacksonville thus far (appropriate topics of course).
Decadence was thrilled with the budding work friendship especially with the timing of this friendship as this was still very early on in Decadence's time as a Jacksonville resident. At this point in time it was not often that Decadence was able to talk to someone about various experiences face to face; phone calls were the main method of communication at the time. This continued for a few days to a week and during this time, Decadence was introduced to her new coworker/friend's partner (one of the primary topics of conversation) who was also a friendly, kind person.
A few uneventful days later, Decadence was alone in her workroom closet kneeling, organizing and looking for materials when her coworker friend walked unexpectedly into the room. Her coworker said, "Hey girl, come out of the closet."
Decadence alarmed, stood and walked into the main part of the room from the closet area. Decadence's coworker began talking very quickly and in no particular order said: "I'm going to tell you something, and you're going to be mad at me. I don't mean anything bad by it. Once you're done being mad at me, we can talk more if you want to. I'm just going to tell you, they told me not to tell you, but I have to. Please don't be mad at me, but if you are it's ok."
Decadence, confused, looked on with a furrowed brow and responded, "Ok..."
Coworker: "I just had to tell you that I have a crush on you. I've had a crush on you since the moment I saw you. When you walked in here, I was like 'Who is that?' Anyway, I had to tell you. They told me not to, but I had to. Please don't be mad at me. I'm not going to sexually harass you or anything. If you don't want me to come in your room anymore, I won't."
Decadence, with mouth slightly agape, "Uhmm, ok. You don't have to stay out of my room. I'm not mad. Umm..."
Coworker, still talking so fast her words were mixing together: "I'll leave you alone now, I just had to tell you that." And she vacated the room.
Decadence stood in the same spot in the empty room for about 3 minutes, staring blankly while trying to understand what had just transpired. Decadence was immediately aware that she had NOT handled the situation. It wasn't even a question of if she had handled it appropriately or not, diplomatically or blurting out a response, she had simply had a non-response. Knowing the coworker had a committed partner, Decadence felt fairly certain no future incidents would transpire. Here was yet another case in which Decadence was taken completely by surprise, caught completely off-guard and unprepared.
Decadence did not feel the need to further the discussion by clarifying personal information about herself as this would be a complete 180 from the path of ambiguity she had already travelled down. In this moment, all Decadence could do was move forward, hope this exchange did not affect their working relationship, and answer the phone when an old friend just happened to call 5 minutes later and process the situation. This also reminded Decadence why she avoids getting too close to coworkers too soon...
Leading up to the day in question, Decadence had been her usual friendly self, making small talk with coworkers and keeping topics of conversation appropriate for the workplace. As stated earlier, personal stories from Decadence's life were not topics of conversation, for as one could gather from the stories included in this blog-personal stories would not only be inappropriate for the workplace, but they might also prove detrimental to Decadence's future employment.
Decadence's tight-lipped approach to her personal life tended to bring about the opposite effect for her coworkers. Perhaps because Decadence is young, smiles a lot, and tends to have a friendly look during the course of the day, she heard numerous stories from her coworkers. She listened to stories about various things, some work appropriate and some very much not. Details are excluded because this story is not meant to be an expose.
One particular female coworker, early 40s, went out of her way to help Decadence while she was adjusting to the new workplace and environment. She would take time to come chat with Decadence during free time, told Decadence all about the things going on in her life, and after a short time Decadence felt safe reciprocating with details from her own experience in Jacksonville thus far (appropriate topics of course).
Decadence was thrilled with the budding work friendship especially with the timing of this friendship as this was still very early on in Decadence's time as a Jacksonville resident. At this point in time it was not often that Decadence was able to talk to someone about various experiences face to face; phone calls were the main method of communication at the time. This continued for a few days to a week and during this time, Decadence was introduced to her new coworker/friend's partner (one of the primary topics of conversation) who was also a friendly, kind person.
A few uneventful days later, Decadence was alone in her workroom closet kneeling, organizing and looking for materials when her coworker friend walked unexpectedly into the room. Her coworker said, "Hey girl, come out of the closet."
Decadence alarmed, stood and walked into the main part of the room from the closet area. Decadence's coworker began talking very quickly and in no particular order said: "I'm going to tell you something, and you're going to be mad at me. I don't mean anything bad by it. Once you're done being mad at me, we can talk more if you want to. I'm just going to tell you, they told me not to tell you, but I have to. Please don't be mad at me, but if you are it's ok."
Decadence, confused, looked on with a furrowed brow and responded, "Ok..."
Coworker: "I just had to tell you that I have a crush on you. I've had a crush on you since the moment I saw you. When you walked in here, I was like 'Who is that?' Anyway, I had to tell you. They told me not to, but I had to. Please don't be mad at me. I'm not going to sexually harass you or anything. If you don't want me to come in your room anymore, I won't."
Decadence, with mouth slightly agape, "Uhmm, ok. You don't have to stay out of my room. I'm not mad. Umm..."
Coworker, still talking so fast her words were mixing together: "I'll leave you alone now, I just had to tell you that." And she vacated the room.
Decadence stood in the same spot in the empty room for about 3 minutes, staring blankly while trying to understand what had just transpired. Decadence was immediately aware that she had NOT handled the situation. It wasn't even a question of if she had handled it appropriately or not, diplomatically or blurting out a response, she had simply had a non-response. Knowing the coworker had a committed partner, Decadence felt fairly certain no future incidents would transpire. Here was yet another case in which Decadence was taken completely by surprise, caught completely off-guard and unprepared.
Decadence did not feel the need to further the discussion by clarifying personal information about herself as this would be a complete 180 from the path of ambiguity she had already travelled down. In this moment, all Decadence could do was move forward, hope this exchange did not affect their working relationship, and answer the phone when an old friend just happened to call 5 minutes later and process the situation. This also reminded Decadence why she avoids getting too close to coworkers too soon...
