PhotoBombings

Since moving to Jacksonville, Decadence has found herself in the middle of a wide range of predicaments. Chronicled already are the life-threatening, the awkward, and the more awkward. Decadence has also stumbled upon numerous social events (the word stumbled could not be more appropriate in these situations).  

In one such instance, Decadence was invited to what seemed like it would be a laid back event that involved a tour and presentation at a program centered around the arts. Excited to learn more about the program, Decadence left work early, changed into clothes that she was sure would qualify as over-dressed for the event and arrived just barely in time for the start of the presentation. The near tardiness was due to Decadence's failure to check the address of the presentation. 

Upon arrival she was first aware that she was underdressed. Next she was aware that she was the youngest attendee by at least 20 years. What she realized next was that she was amongst the elite of Jacksonville's art patrons; including names that she recognized as major contributors even in her mere 4 months as a resident of the large city. The other attendees had on fine, large jewelry one piece worth more than Decadence's entire wardrobe and jewelry collection. Many knew each other and carried themselves with elegance and an old world kind of head-held-high posture. Decadence was intimidated. 

Because she had sent an RSVP for the event, she had a name tag ready and waiting for her arrival. In Decadence's line of work, her first name is never used, in fact, her first name is hidden and she is only known as "Ms. Brown." She is also quite trained and ready to introduce herself successfully in social situations IF she does not have a name tag on. With a name tag, Decadence is easily confused and disoriented when someone uses her name before she introduces herself. Many curveballs were thrown at the unprepared, intimidated, and underdressed Decadence that day. 

One of the worst handled curveballs was when one of the organization's top people asked simply, 

"Hello, [Decadence], how are you?"  Decadence responded as if the man had stated, "Hello, my name is Jeff." In the middle of stating her response, Decadence realized that what she was about to say would not mesh with this man's actual question. If aborting mission and disappearing from the man's sight was possible, Decadence would have paid to take that option, instead the response went something like this (make sure when reading, to use the ellipses or … as a long pause): "Hi, I'm…good…(insert quizzical look from "Jeff") I'm sorry, I'm really thrown off right now."

How did he respond to that? No idea-the rest of that conversation was blacked out due to sheer panic at the social awkwardness displayed by Decadence.

Many deep breaths later and quiet smiling and nodding while others did the talking, Decadence recovered her embarrassment and managed somehow to photobomb most of the pictures taken at this event. Hopefully this will ensure that the others in attendance will remember the strange, underdressed, awkward girl who strolled through the tour and presentation on that fated day.

What is a "photobomb" you ask? Below are two classic Decadence photobomb moves...

 Exhibit A-method used: jump into the back of the picture at the last minute with a confused/excited/concerned look and perhaps some flailing arms.

Exhibit B-method used: strategically walk in front of the scene just before the picture is taken, with a serious looking face so as to not raise suspicion that this move is intentional.

Assumptions, Stereotypes, and Sexual Harassment...All in a Day's Work

Although Decadence has played her fair share of "your team" in which awkward, strange, funny, or unfortunate happenings are placed on another's "team", she loves all (well most) people. She does not discriminate or make judgements about other people, knowing that this is neither productive nor her place. This is in no way meant to be offensive-it is merely an account of the happenings and social awkwardness Decadence lives with on a daily basis.

Before the story begins, it is imperative that some recent topics of discussion and/or speculative assumptions made about Decadence are reviewed and clarified:

#1 The "Home Team" sticker placed strategically on Decadence's mode of transportation is not representative of love/preference for the same sex. Home Team is actually the idea that someone takes pride in where they came from, where they are going and owning it, this idea started by Sam Holt a member of Widespread Panic and Outformation.

Exact replica of the Home Team sticker

#2 In her time as a sometimes-functional working adult, Decadence was able to save her loose change and buy the car her high school self dreamed of having…and because she grew up in north Georgia, this meant an old-body Toyota 4-Runner with All-Terrain tires (pictured here). Why she did not chose to buy a more professional looking car to fit her daytime working professional life, the world will never know. Working tirelessly with her coworkers at the time of the purchase to find  suitable name for the SUV, the group decision was made to name the ride Judyth. Judyth is a tough looking vehicle with absolutely no frills, she is the roughest, toughest Tomboy on the block. She makes noise (with her aggressive "shoes" or tires) as she cruises down the road and she intimidates smaller cars, pedestrians, and cyclists with her size. For these things, Judyth makes no apologies (but the host self of Decadence does).

#3 Decadence plays sports as an adult. She loves competitive sports where physical contact is part of the game. Soccer is Decadence's favorite and she plays on both woman's and co-ed teams.
Decadence, as a young sprout, grew up playing soccer first with her younger brother and then on organized teams. Decadence played on co-ed soccer teams until she began playing for the middle school and high school teams that would only allow her to play with the girls. Decadence was not thrilled, but she went with it. It has been said that young Decadence's favorite part of "playing with the boys" (mind out of the gutter please-we are talking soccer) was beating the boys. She hit just as hard and before puberty struck the boys, she ran faster, she kicked harder and she feared no one...it would be accurate to say that the boys feared her. 

This is not so different now. Although the boys run faster now, Decadence still jumps right in the middle of a chase for the ball, has been known to push, shove, or run straight into a grown man (with varying results). At times, the sports-playing, rough-and-tumble tomboy side of Decadence has been fodder for speculation...but this would be another assumption or stereotype.
**It should also be noted that on several occasions, new friends of Decadence have tried to recruit her to play on a woman's rugby. Decadence has respectfully declined. One must have limits even when one loves "yes" as much as Decadence.

#4 Day-time Decadence, only a recent occurrence made necessary by her line of work where one must be ready to defend oneself, run, yell, or laugh off a verbal attack when all else fails, dresses in a fashion that is very un-Decadence. In order to deter sexually inappropriate comments, thoughts, or advances from the population with which Decadence works, she wears any combination of the following clothing items: polos in assorted colors (she has quite an extensive collection), not-form-fitting khaki or other colored pants, loose-fitting button-down collared shirts, layered shirts, and an occasional zippered vest.
This wardrobe, although safe and practical on the surface may have attributed to the situation that is about the be recounted; especially when combined with the previously listed elements and the fact that Decadence refrains from discussing her personal life with coworkers (for obvious reasons).

Now that the above information has been reviewed, it is time for the main event. Keep in mind, the moral of this story is: all assumptions and stereotypes aside, sexual harassment is sexual harassment (repeated ad nauseum).

The four-point list above essentially compiles all of the knowledge that the coworkers of Decadence know about her. In addition to these things, they have not heard her speak of a significant other, they are aware she has no children, they know she has roommates, and she does not live nearby.


Leading up to the day in question, Decadence had been her usual friendly self, making small talk with coworkers and keeping topics of conversation appropriate for the workplace. As  stated earlier, personal stories from Decadence's life were not topics of conversation, for as one could gather from the stories included in this blog-personal stories would not only be inappropriate for the workplace, but they might also prove detrimental to Decadence's future employment.
Decadence's tight-lipped approach to her personal life tended to bring about the opposite effect for her coworkers. Perhaps because Decadence is young, smiles a lot, and tends to have a friendly look during the course of the day, she heard numerous stories from her coworkers. She listened to stories about various things, some work appropriate and some very much not. Details are excluded because this story is not meant to be an expose.
One particular female coworker, early 40s, went out of her way to help Decadence while she was adjusting to the new workplace and environment. She would take time to come chat with Decadence during free time, told Decadence all about the things going on in her life, and after a short time Decadence felt safe reciprocating with details from her own experience in Jacksonville thus far (appropriate topics of course).
Decadence was thrilled with the budding work friendship especially with the timing of this friendship as this was still very early on in Decadence's time as a Jacksonville resident. At this point in time it was not often that Decadence was able to talk to someone about various experiences face to face; phone calls were the main method of communication at the time. This continued for a few days to a week and during this time, Decadence was introduced to her new coworker/friend's partner (one of the primary topics of conversation) who was also a friendly, kind person.


A few uneventful days later, Decadence was alone in her workroom closet kneeling, organizing and looking for materials when her coworker friend walked unexpectedly into the room. Her coworker said, "Hey girl, come out of the closet."
Decadence alarmed, stood and walked into the main part of the room from the closet area. Decadence's coworker began talking very quickly and in no particular order said: "I'm going to tell you something, and you're going to be mad at me. I don't mean anything bad by it. Once you're done being mad at me, we can talk more if you want to. I'm just going to tell you, they told me not to tell you, but I have to. Please don't be mad at me, but if you are it's ok."
Decadence, confused, looked on with a furrowed brow and responded, "Ok..."
Coworker: "I just had to tell you that I have a crush on you. I've had a crush on you since the moment I saw you. When you walked in here, I was like 'Who is that?' Anyway, I had to tell you. They told me not to, but I had to. Please don't be mad at me. I'm not going to sexually harass you or anything. If you don't want me to come in your room anymore, I won't."
Decadence, with mouth slightly agape, "Uhmm, ok. You don't have to stay out of my room. I'm not mad. Umm..."
Coworker, still talking so fast her words were mixing together: "I'll leave you alone now, I just had to tell you that." And she vacated the room.
Decadence stood in the same spot in the empty room for about 3 minutes, staring blankly while trying to understand what had just transpired. Decadence was immediately aware that she had NOT handled the situation. It wasn't even a question of if she had handled it appropriately or not, diplomatically or blurting out a response, she had simply had a non-response. Knowing the coworker had a committed partner, Decadence felt fairly certain no future incidents would transpire. Here was yet another case in which Decadence was taken completely by surprise, caught completely off-guard and unprepared.
Decadence did not feel the need to further the discussion by clarifying personal information about herself as this would be a complete 180 from the path of ambiguity she had already travelled down. In this moment, all Decadence could do was move forward, hope this exchange did not affect their working relationship, and answer the phone when an old friend just happened to call 5 minutes later and process the situation. This also reminded Decadence why she avoids getting too close to coworkers too soon...

Defining Decadence

It may be necessary to define exactly what Decadence means in the case of this entity referred to as "Decadence Brown." This definition will of course come with examples.

Starting from the beginning, Decadence meant class, elegance, and the finest things money could buy-to the extreme. Now this was manifested in the 80's prom theme as follows: a tight (more like painted on) purple velvet dress with an off the shoulder, scallop-edged top, taken up at the bottom where graduated layers of neon green and yellow tulle were added and slits had to be cut in order to allow for dancing, walking, and movement of the knees. This look was accessorized with a metallic hot pink purse and shoes, a hand sewn orchid forearm-sized corsage, a large flower and tulle hair piece, and a glow-in-the-dark prom court sash. As the night ensued, so did Decadence. On this night, however, others were more carried away than Decadence and it was she who pieced many others' nights together, this after a fast one was pulled on Decadence and she was left at the after party with only one other person she knew. This only served to prove from day one that Decadence was a survivor who was able to make the best of any situation...

After this Decadence spent many a day distracting the host self from completing assignments that had nearing due dates, preventing the host self from searching for employment that would earn her money for more adventures after an impending graduation, and countless hours filled with a mindset of "Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHATever. I do what I want!" Others were pulled into these shenanigans and no apologies are needed for this because in many circumstances this sort of attitude is called for, but the lesson of note here is this: if Decadence had her way, this mindset would have no limits, no boundaries, and all would join her. Decadence lives with a sense of urgency, like running at a full sprint with no thoughts of exhaustion, soreness, injury, or the like-that every minute could be the final minute. The problem arises when responsibility rears its ugly head...
Decadence did remain relatively undetected for a few weeks during this time, it's only during thoughtful reflection that she was found.

Perfect day of Decadence shared by all

The next definition-example pair relates to Decadence's partiality to saying "yes" when a simple "no" would suffice. Because Decadence is who she is, yes is a much more appealing idea. Many times she has the foresight to know what will happen when yes is the answer, and will even warn those around her of what is about to happen...and then "yes" happens and the bit of foreshadowing preceding the "yes" becomes reality. Example: Decadence does not tolerate rum, especially in small amounts without mixers and/or chasers (although various mixed beverages pass inspection). On the occasion of this example, Decadence warned her good friend Fancy Freeman when Fancy offered Decadence a rum shot. Decadence went so far as to warn Fancy that the shot would make Decadence lose a to-be-determined amount of her stomach contents. Fancy did not listen. Fancy pushed for the shot to be taken, and Decadence with her preference for the word "yes" took the shot. Upon taking the shot, Decadence tilted her head back for intake then just as quickly forward towards the clean, polished wooden bar where, just as predicted, a small amount of stomach contents-including the rum-were deposited on the bar and the bar stool beside the bar. Decadence looked at Fancy and said, "I told you!" Since this time, Fancy has refrained from offering/pressuring Decadence to take a rum shot.

Decadence says "No"

Often Decadence shares a motto uttered by Clark W. Griswold, Jr. in Christmas Vacation: "We're gonna do it right, and we're gonna do it big." which is also fitting considering this time of year. Is doing it "big" or pushing it to the extreme in the case of the current definition always best? Of course not, but when it comes to Decadence it tends to be standard. Take the example of Decadence's new-found death-allergy...upon "venom testing" (technical term) it turns out that Decadence is, as the doctor stated it "extremely allergic to all stinging insects". Now really, what would be the fun of only being allergic to one stinging insect? Who has time to differentiate between the pesky devils? Why not brave the great outdoors with a severe allergy to all stinging insects-clearly life gets more interesting in the latter situation...such is Decadence.
A version of this sort of living has also been summarized in terms you may be familiar with: "When it rains it pours." This has also become a way of Decadence. Decadence has been known to have bad days, but because Decadence lives in extremes-bad days tend to be especially and extravagantly bad. In these cases, it is necessary to reflect on how ridiculously bad the day was, ponder how quickly the situation or series of situations escalated, and then (hopefully) laugh, make fun of, or shake a fist at the day. At times Decadence will purposefully make a day or situation worse as a test to see if it can be done. Warning: such is a test that always works. Examples of these situations will come in due time.

The alternative is good days, but again rules of living in extremes (although the combination of rules and extremes seems unnatural) means that good days become fantastic days that must be celebrated with whatever means necessary. The same applies for awkwardness-awkwardness should be celebrated, after the embarrassment passes. Fancy reframes the awkwardness of Decadence as something that attracts people to Decadence. Could this be true? Perhaps...perhaps it even normalizes others' fears that they too are socially awkward.

Awkwardness Abound

For years I have attributed many of my more awkward public moments to my ability to pause too long before responding to a question or greeting, staring too hard at someone who looks familiar, hesitating before going in for a handshake/hug/high or low-five, or simply making too much noise in a quiet place...but it was this incident that indicated to me that sometimes I have NO part in the awkwardness that is all around me.
On this particular night, I ventured out to a new bar/pub in JAX in a side of town that I had not yet discovered to meet an old friend. It had been at least 4-5 years since I had seen this friend. This was a place she was well familiar with and in fact knew most, if not all, of the 10 people in the bar including the bartender. I sat at the corner end of the bar with her and her friend, so I had a vantage point from which I could see the entire bar/pub area (this positioning tactic has been referred to as a bit mob-like by several of my friends, but I like to be able to see the door along with everything else in the room...it decreases the chance of a sudden unexpected attack).
I immediately noticed that I was over-dressed in a hot pink t-shirt, navy blue coat, jeans, clean hair and loafers...everyone else seemed to be wearing torn and re-sewn denim vests/assorted faded, dark clothing items, ripped shirts, sitting with their old, shaking and blind dogs at their feet or in one hand while they drank with the other, etc...let your imagination wander from there.
I ordered a beverage and sipped while I spoke to and caught up with the old friend. As we talked I became increasingly suspicious that the other bar patrons were looking at me, but tried my best to ignore the idea-thinking myself paranoid or perhaps the looks were due to my blinding pink shirt in comparison to the unspoken expectation that only dark shades of clothing are worn in this establishment. Our conversation continued while I avoided making eye contact with the other patrons. I did however occasionally "scan" (others might call this an ocular assessment) the room looking both for any signs of a sudden attack and for additional proof that people were staring. I only found the latter.
Just as I was about to reach a point that would result in my addressing the bar about how impolite it is to stare at others, a woman approached me from the right side. She said, "Can you do me a favor? Can you give me a range?"
"Excuse me?" was my response, "what do you mean by range?"
"Well see, we got a bet running of how old you are, so can you give me a range of your age?"
"Umm, I can just tell you how old I am. (This is where I told her my age, but I'm not putting it in writing.)"
Immediately the woman yells at the bartender, telling him that he guessed the correct age. The friend I had been catching up with then yells at the bartender that his correct guess was not fair because he knew her age and this knowledge gave him a clue about my age.
Meanwhile I sat dumbfounded (guffaw might be a better description of my response to this situation) as to how I questioned my suspicion that the other pub patrons were staring AND how they organized a betting pool that encompassed everyone with relatively little noticeable movement. I also questioned the welcoming methods this bar employed in making new patrons feel welcome-and by welcome I mean awkward, alienated and UNwelcome. I felt that this called for a free beverage, which I did not receive, but the beverages were cheap and I did enjoy the rest of my night.

Warning: this is where they welcome you by staring at you, talking about you, and making assorted bets about you, but the beverages are cheap, enter at your own risk.

side note: I asked the woman what the guesses ranged from, to which she replied 20-50. The idea that someone thought I was 50 made me want to fight.