It may appear that Decadence took the summer off from blogging...when in fact she has been writing letters. Some short and sweet. Some strongly worded, and also short.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Dear Vicki, NeNe, Tamara, Sheree and Danielle,
(the neighborhood stray cats)
-Stop sneaking though the rip in my side screened in porch, and being unable to find your way out, howling endlessly by the door to my living room.
-You are no longer allowed to lay on your back, spread-eagle under my car while I am not looking.
-Do not creep into my yard thinking I will talk sweetly to you, pet you or feed you; I will only yell at you in whatever arbitrary housewife name Fancy and I assigned you with malice and contempt.
-You are lucky I do not own the paper noise poppers that make burst to life when thrown at the ground.
-I am dangerously close to collecting (humane) traps to catch you and then hand deliver you to whatever feline rehab treatment centers are nearest my house where you can make cat friends and tell them about the cat-related horrors you have seen at the House of Decadence. I've handled cats like you before. Just ask Papas Fritas Numero 1-47 of Athens, GA.
I don't hate cats, I hate stray cats that are stupid and clingy,
DLB
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Stock apology letter to the following toilets:
Metropolitan Museum of Art
Quiznos
Riverbend Club Apartments
Subway
Kellogg Building, Florida State University
Strozier Library, also FSU
Secret toilet at several local nameless high schools
Many nameless others...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dear (Fill in from list above),
I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. I did it on purpose. It had to be done.
Get a new job,
DLB
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Thursday, May 6, 2011
Dear Silversun Pickups,
Please stop.
Best wishes in your respective future non-musical careers,
Decadence Brown
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Every day of 2011
Dear Decadence,WHY would you set a new year's resolution to count every bridge you travel over in a year...and then stick to it?! You are torturing my life.
Let's agree to ban new year's resolutions next year,
DB aka Dumpster Baby
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