List of Grievances:
As our forefathers and others throughout history have deemed appropriate in the Declaration of Independence and elsewhere, Decadence would like to take some time to compile a list of grievances. This is not to say that Decadence is unappreciative of the things present in her life, it is merely a compilation of the unnecessary, annoying, or mundane elements that are present in the world.
In no particular order:
1. The color orange. -Labelled officially by the "artworld" as a secondary color, it is often associated with sports teams Decadence does not care for-teams that often display a level of classless behavior-and in a way that only serves to make the school's colors/jerseys/campus an eyesore. When mixed with colors other than those directly next to it on the color wheel, it often makes a mud-inspired hue. It seems to be the leech of the color wheel, attaching itself to superior colors like red and thus pulling down a great color. Perhaps this color should remain in hiding until it is needed around the Halloween/Thanksgiving timeframe.
(The answer is No, I have not considered orange.)
2. The Mud Man. -For years as a child, Decadence's father (referred to here as Father Brown) would tell her and her brother tall tales of the Mud Man and his propensity for stealing the shoes of unsuspecting victims. He would only tell these tales while in the act of carrying the two children across patches of thick sticky mud, where the dreaded Mud Man lived. Without fail, as Father Brown crossed the patches of thick Mud Man territory, he would lose at least one of his shoes. Every time he felt the slightest bit of tug from said Mud Man, he made a dramatic and terrorizing display of trying to retrieve his lost shoe using only his submerged foot (aka. he would never put his hand/arm in the mud as this was too dangerous, so dangerous in fact, he might never survive). Often the lost shoe situation would turn more sinister as the Mud Man also attempted to keep Father Brown's foot and ankle. Father Brown would yell and writhe in panic, pain and fear-all while holding his children. This panic carried over to the children as they echoed his screams and cries for help.
The Mud Man was extremely well fed in those days and the shoe casualty count was long ago lost due to high numbers. Luckily Father Brown never lost a foot, but he did raise two offspring that have a strange aversion to large patches of mud. If one needed a visual image of what the Mud Man might look like today after so many shoe binges, he might look something like this:
3. Cock Rock. (as Fancy refers to it and not to be confused with Crotch Rock or a cock block) -This is a situation in which less is more. Why does the world need so much "Cock Rock," Decadence feels that the saturation of Cock Rock has far outreached that which can be handled in one, nay seven, lifetimes. Everything in moderation Cock Rockers. If lost, please refer to the example video here (sorry it begins with an advertisement):
4. Stinging insects. -Stinging insects did not make this list only because of Decadence's new-found death-allergy to them and she understands their necessity in the grand scheme of nature's functioning. Stinging insects made this list because of their propensity to sting mammals. Why? Why is it necessary to sting mammals? Because they feel threatened? Not necessarily, what if it's just to see what kind of havoc they can create. Is the purpose of their stinging to remind the stung individual of how great they had it before they were stung? Decadence finds it completely inappropriate that these creatures would sting something that could feel it, instead they should stick to pollinating flora, building nests for their young, producing honey, and whatever else they do while steering clear of the earth's fauna.
5. Dick Slang (Dance). -No words can do this listing justice, simply watch...
7. Men's nipples. - The necessity of this was googled and no valuable information was found. Decadence was actually underwhelmed by the answer. Essentially there is no reason other than the fact that evolution and/or early fetal development has not found a way to rid the earth of them, sorry human males.
This of course is not a full list of grievances, but it seems to cover the essentials. Additions to the list are welcome and will be considered only if submitted in writing and postmarked by January 11th, 2011.
