Big Bad Botulism

Decadence fears little. The assumption that the things she does fear are irrational, would be on point. 

As mentioned in A Decadent List of Grievances, as a child Decadence had a strange fear of large patches of mud for fear the MudMan would grab her shoe, foot, ankle or entire leg. At least he might according to the warning Father Brown gave Decadence time and again when nearing patches of mud while walking through Atlanta parks.

Decadence has since overcome this fear...at least 90% of it. 

Perhaps Decadence's most crippling fear is that of botulism. Food botulism, not Botox botulism-although Botox is not an option for Decadence as her age progresses. Actually, strike that, Decadence does not age.

Just as her fear of the MudMan has roots in her childhood, so does her fear of botulism. The fear of botulism and/or botulism poisoning is far more serious than the MudMan fear ever was. This fear is far-reaching and at times has affected Decadence's life in a negative way. It is a pervasive and persistent fear…the features of this fear may in fact make it a borderline phobia.

As a child, and usually while reheating leftovers, Mama Brown would tell Decadence of the time when distant family members ate leftovers for dinner. This particular dinner contained corn. Specifically under-cooked corn. Mama Brown warned of the grave dangers in not boiling corn when it is reheating. "ALWAYS make sure that the leftovers containing corn are so hot they boil" she would tell young Decadence. "Boiling kills the bacteria." 


Case and point: the family member preparing the food for these distant relatives did not boil the leftovers properly. As a result, the entire group was poisoned by the botulism lurking in the sub-par reheated corn and all almost died from the poisoning. Luckily they arrived at the hospital just in time to counteract the botulism poisoning.

Mental image of corn for young Decadence

Decadence wondered, "does this 'botulism' show signs of its presence? Does it smell?" Decadence never asked these questions of her mother; she simply pondered silently. It seemed that there was no way to know other than to boil leftovers. 

Decadence later learned that botulism often finds its way into canned goods. Somehow Decadence missed the detail that it was much more of a problem in the past due to home canning methods and not those employed by modern times. Instead Decadence assimilated  the idea of this danger, resulting in her associating the botulism danger to all canned goods and feared that she was at risk every time canned vegetables were presented for her consumption.

Silent, but deadly

"Have these vegetables been boiled?!" she would wonder in a state of internal hysteria. "It would be rude and wasteful not to eat them." The weight of the potential danger as well as the knowledge of it were daunting. 

She constantly found herself in a two-part struggle:

-to eat or not to eat

-to warn others, not to warn others, or run from the table in a hair-pulling, arm-flailing, screaming fit

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Somehow Decadence made it to college away from home. During her second year, her fear experienced a breakthrough.

Her roommate, who will be referred to as "Mo-licious" was also a teammate on the college soccer team. One afternoon before practice, Mo-licious opened a can of sweet peas. Mo-licious decided to forego heating the peas in order to save time and dirtying a bowl. 

Instead she dipped her fork into the can of peas, blissfully unaware of the impending danger.

Decadence, witnessing what could potentially be her roommates final moments, knew she had to act quickly.

Decadence ran and jumped directly at her roommate from across the small dorm room, screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" 

When she reached Mo-licious, she attempted to hit the deadly botulism can out of her unsuspecting hand. Luckily Mo-licious had cat-like reflexes and pulled the can out of Decadence's reach.

Mo-licious returned Decadence's look of panic with an expression of bewilderment and surprise:

Mo-"What is wrong with you?!"

DB-"You canNOT eat those!"

Mo-"Why not?"

DB-"You didn't heat them! You have to boil canned vegetables to kill the botulism or you could die!"

Mo-"What the hell are you talking about?! I eat peas out of the can all the time!"

DB-"What? You aren't worried about botulism?"

Mo-"Seriously. What are you talking about?"

DB-"My mom told me that you have to boil canned vegetables to kill the botulism and bacteria, otherwise you could get really sick and die."

Mo-"I promise I eat canned vegetables like this all the time. I have never gotten sick and I have no idea what you're talking about."

DB-"Oh. Sorry."

Decadence had some reevaluating to do. She clearly had not done her research on this fear. 

Also it was abundantly clear that she had missed out on a world of food. As such, Decadence began eating her canned vegetables without boiling them. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Decadence continued however to fear leftovers and previously opened canned goods, i.e. spaghetti sauce.

For an example of Decadence's fear of left-over consumption, review the previous post: Staycation Cleanup.

Most recently, Decadence spent 20 hours convinced that the spaghetti sauce she used on her spicy red pepper noodles might be the end of her reign on Earth.

Decadence's first warning that something may be amiss was the popped out sauce lid...on both bottles of spaghetti sauce. (Decadence likes to mix the marinara and alfredo sauces together, it's more decadent this way.)

The fact that this was the label on the jar should have also
been a red flag, bad spaghetti sauce indeed

Not wanting to waste the delicious noodles she had just prepared, as they were the last of her noodles, Decadence poured her favorite sauce combination.


Pouring the sauce, Decadence thought: "Should I boil this sauce? I never have before-this time it seems risky not to... Hmm, maybe this is a bad idea, but maybe I'm just being paranoid."


Then the botulism fear began to rear its ugly head.

Botulism fear looks strangely like Al Pacino

The fear told her:
-"You could be eating botulism infested sauce right now."
-"Each bite could take you one step closer to death's door."
-"You might want to call someone."


The pace of her eating slowed as she realized that she was the only person home. She then realized that after only a month in a new city, the only 2 people she knew were her 2 roommates. Where were they anyway? 


She put the pasta down and pulled out her computer.


Google screen. Search: Botulism


Search: How long does spaghetti sauce stay good


Search: Symptoms of botulism poisoning 


This did not look good.


Lucky for Decadence, her first roommate in grad school was a dietetics graduate student and she now lived a couple of hours away (we shall call her KayPay). "She'll know what to do," Decadence decided. 


Decadence called her dear, long lost roommate.


After some panicked explanation of the current situation, Decadence and KayPay searched from their respective homes for various combinations of situations that may arise from eating bad spaghetti sauce.


KayPay asked if the sauce smelled funny. "No, replied Decadence, "but that doesn't rule out botulism poisoning!"


KayPay, after a year of living with Decadence was aware of her fear and in being around Decadence's fear, had slightly adopted a similar feeling about the potential danger in keeping food too long-although she was open about her misunderstanding of what Decadence's fear contained. Clearly KayPay knew about foods, health, and the like, but to her Decadence's fear seemed odd and misplaced.


Nevertheless, the situation escalated. The two decided that Decadence should stop eating the spaghetti (which she finished during the escalating conversation), and "wait it out."


KayPay: "Basically you have 24-36 hours to live if you ingested botulism. This means we will know by tomorrow afternoon because you will either get really, really sick or you won't. If you start to get really sick, it's probably too late. So, just call me tomorrow at 12 noon and no later. By then we'll know if you're going to make it or not."

I'm afraid I have bad news, you may or may
not die in the next 24-36 hours

Not comforting words, but having a plan seemed to help. Ahh-who am I kidding, it didn't help at all. Decadence was panicked. Her current roommates came home and got to hear all about her botulism fear.


Decadence managed to sleep through part of the night and made it, albeit nervously, through the day. At noon, her fears had not subsided, but by noon the following day, she sensed she had made it through the danger zone.


Decadence dared not laugh about the incident until a week later when she knew that she had not been exposed to any potentially botulism-infused foods, and even then it was cautious, shifty-eyed laughter.

Always watching for the next botulism attack

Moral of the story: Watch your food and take inventory of your roommates fears.


Also-to dispel some myths about botulism click here, just in case you share Decadence's fear.

Staycation Cleanup

The day after the bachelorette staycation involved much more mystery than perhaps any other day in the realm of staycations.

At the close of the previous post, one DEWG member and the bachelorette had retreated to the DEWG member's apartment-about 15 yards from the apartment of Decadence. One DEWG member was curled up in the floor of the living room rocking herself back and forth in the fetal position asking repeated, to no one in particular: "Where am I?" The other two DEWG members were nuking all food items they could find in the refrigerator.

The staycation slumber party was not your usual slumber party

Now you're caught up. Or you could stop and take this time to read the previous post: Staycation Shenanigans.

A few short hours later, the ladies awoke mysteriously at the same time...all three were in Decadence's queen size bed. Fancy and Decadence were on the outsides of the bed, under the covers. The third, more petite DEWG was in the middle, on top of the covers and shivering.

Fancy first: Fancy was on the side of the bed by the wall, under the covers and dressed in normal sleeping attire gathered from Decadence's dresser.

Middle, petitie DEWG: Laying on top of the covers, still donning her beads and top from the night before with an additional t-shirt on top of the ensemble. This DEWG had changed out of her pants and underroos from the previous night and replaced them with Victoria's Secret's version of "granny panties," something Decadence thought she had long since thrown away.

Last but not least, Decadence: Decadence awoke face-down under the covers on the side of the bed facing the rest of the open room. When she awoke she first realized that the middle DEWG was laying on top of the covers and on top of 3/4 of Decadence's body. Decadence was still in her top from the bachelorette party, but was immediately aware that she was wearing nothing else.

Fancy appeared to have fared the nap well. The middle DEWG was in pain from the beads and from the granny panties that were several sizes too big for her. Decadence felt exposed and awkward (as she was laying on her stomach, she could see her pants from the night before strewn on the floor by the bed...but where were her undergarments?).

One can easily see why the petite DEWG might
experience pain...just imagine the chaffing  

Sleepy sleepless groaning ensued as each awoke. Shifting followed as the littlest DEWG realized she was laying on top of Decadence.

The following questions were posed and some were answered...in no particular order:
Q: Why are you on top of the covers?
A: I couldn't figure out how to get under the sheets!

Q: (To self) Oww! Why does my neck hurt?!
A: Oh, I'm still wearing my beads from last night.

Q:When did we go to bed?
---insert sound of crickets chirping

Q: Whose underwear am I wearing?! These things are HUGE!
A: Those are mine, but I could have sworn I threw those things away YEARS ago!
subsequent Q: Where did you find them? Did you search through boxes under my bed to find those?
subsequent A: I don't know, but I am in pain!

Q: Umm, guys, I don't seem to have anything on from the waist down. Did I streak through the apartment bottomless?
A: (both responded) I have no idea.
---response-Well, at least there's that. I'm going to need you two to keep your eyes closed while I find something to put on.
---subsequent response from both-No problem.

The missing underwear was found several yards away in the bathroom, which posed the question: how much running around did Decadence do between the bed, bathroom, and perhaps around the apartment when the underroos were in the bathroom and her pants were by the bed? This mystery has never been solved.

Soon the trio emerged from their resting place and were dressed ready to tackle a breakfast of champions: Steak and Shake.

Upon entering the living room, however...

Stray cats had invaded the apartment of Decadence
upon smelling the nuked 30 day old hot beef...

Thankfully, no, this did not actually happen, but what they thought would be a normal day spent in hungover stupor would become a day fit for Sherlock Holmes.

Fantastical puzzled bewilderment was the expression/look of the day;
sans pipe and experiment beakers

Just as the trio entered the living room, Fancy and Decadence were discussing the deliciousness of the re-heated burritos they enjoyed a few short hours ago. The petite DEWG stated, "I don't even think I went in the kitchen last night, guys."

The trail of feathers from her feather boa suggested otherwise. Decadence and Fancy had removed their feather boas as soon as they came in the apartment the night prior. For the third DEWG, it was clear that she wore hers throughout the night's events and it shed the entire time.

Judging from the trail of feathers, not only had the petite DEWG visited the kitchen, she had run multiple laps between the living room, the kitchen and Decadence's bedroom. Perhaps she was training for an obstacle course race.

While Fancy and the other DEWG searched for their purses and phones, Decadence inspected the kitchen. One to-go box was on the countertop, one was missing. Also on the counter was a large empty plastic container that had once housed crock-pot hot beef/stew leftovers. This meal was originally cooked at least 30 days before the current shenanigans and had yet to be disposed of.

One thing you should know about Decadence: she has an irrational fear of botulism poisoning. This can be traced back to the story Mama Brown used to tell Decadence about distant family members that were almost killed due to consuming undercooked corn. Since hearing this story as a young girl, Decadence has transferred this fear of botulism to associate any foods that have been sitting for more than 4 days as potentially containing the deadly poison.

As such, Decadence was convinced that these undisposed of leftovers contained botulism. Upon seeing the container empty and no sign of the leftovers anywhere in the apartment, Decadence went into a tailspin. Trying her best not to scare the others with her reaction at the seriousness of the situation, Decadence questioned the two other DEWG members. Neither remembered heating, handling or eating the leftovers.

Decadence came to the following series of conclusions:
-Someone ate these leftovers.
-There's no way Decadence ate them, even if she was drugged, she would never have eaten those leftovers-per her irrational fear.
-Someone will die today.

Decadence tried to drive the severity of this situation home to the other DEWGs, but they would hear nothing of her warning. All looked close to death for other reasons and omitted stench from their pores, so the argument could be made that the potentially ingested leftovers should be the last of their concerns.

Meanwhile, the search for phones proved successful. The search for purses, wallets, check cards was not so successful. The breakfast trip would also be a trip back to the Palace Saloon for car, purse and check card retrieval.

On the way out of the front door, Decadence made one last look in the corner of the room and behind the couch. Bingo. One purse found, complete with a receipt where the signature line had been blacked out via zig-zag scribbling.

With this success...on to Steak and Shake:

This picture perfectly illustrates the Steak and Shake breakfast experience.

Next to the Palace: Fancy's card was retrieved with only a $10 charge posted. The third DEWG's purse was retrieved here without the card-turns out hers was back at the apartment after all. A short chat later, the petite DEWG hopped in her car and led the caravan back to Alumni Village where she and Fancy lived.  

It's a classy establishment, if you love to live in fear.

This man lives there. He holds
many ornate parties for
children.

This man escaped prison, immediately fled to
Alumni Village, and was arrested there.

This woman is not deterred and allows her children to live and play there, unattended.

The rest of this day was spent watching Lifetime movies on the couch and floor of the petite DEWG's apartment, while Decadence feared the moment when one of the DEWG would drop dead and another DEWG texted Scabtoes.

Both Scabtoes and the DEWG member were under the notion that they had shared a romantic moment the night before, and it was arranged that Scabtoes would come to the apartment of Decadence (neutral ground for the DEWG member) and watch Billy Elliot later that afternoon.

Billy Elliot should have been a bit foreboding as it is likely that as a dancer,
Billy Elliot also had scabs for toenails.

The DEWG members converged on the apartment of Decadence. Scabtoes arrived (it was in this meeting that the presence of scabs in place of toenails on this person's feet was realized.)

As one would, Scabtoes assumed that this was furthering the romantic connection. The DEWG member thought otherwise and the love was short lived.

A month later Fancy and Decadence returned to the Palace Saloon for a friend's birthday celebration. All of the regular patrons knew their names immediately. The lady-duo was unable to reciprocate. This visit proved to be almost as dramatic of a night as the previous visit had been, minus the romance and bachelorettism. Scabtoes was present, but it was this night that a Palace Saloon patron enlightened them about one final mystery:

It was not Scabtoes who made a romantic connection with one of the DEWGS, it was one of the bartenders. "Foiled again!" Thought the DEWG who may or may not have been present this night...

This has very little to do with the aftermath, but I like where they're going with this message.

Unaddressed issue: The rancid meat was never actually consumed. It was found in the missing to-go container 30 hours later, still in the microwave...

Crisis averted.

Staycation Shenanigans

With spring break under way across this great land, Decadence is reminded of the time she spent the last weekend of a spring break at school rather than off blowing money and parading around anywhere-but-here. The other members of the previously mentioned DEWG or Destiny Express Wheel Gang (in Rico-Free Gang Formation) followed suit. 

The twin sister of one of DEWG's members was also visiting on this occasion. While sitting at dinner, the DEWG members joined forces. The question was posed: "How do we keep the visitor entertained while we get to wreak DEWG-havoc around Talla-nasty?"

Each completed a silent inventory of the left-over holiday and celebratory supplies they possessed. It was decided that between the four, they had an inordinate amount of bachelorette party-related supplies, i.e. feather boas, a tiara, a large shiny multi-colored crystal ring, a bachelorette sash, and Mardi Gras beads.

It was decided, after they finished the margaritas and 1/2 cooked chicken burritos/tacos/quesadillas, they would return to their respective homes and prepare for an impromptu bachelorette party. 

Who was the bachelorette? The guest of honor! This, they decided, would ensure that she was entertained, made friends, and that all would receive an unknown amount of free beverages…

The ladies dressed in their finest bachelorette attire, then donned the party supplies gathered to make the party look official. Now where to go?  The idea of going to a new establishment was introduced…the Palace Saloon perhaps? 

Might be fun to check it out, they thought. After all, they had a great drink special until 11.

"We'll just go there for a few hours, then go somewhere else." -not quite how things worked out.

The "Palace Saloon" of Tallahassee is a far cry from it's Fernandina Beach counterpart which claims an extensive pirate history and hails as the oldest saloon in the state of Florida…the Tallahassee version is, to say the least, completely underwhelming and the absolute last place a group might plan a bachelorette party.

The Palace Saloon of Fernandina Beach. 

It's a bit of a rough, local crowd. Especially during spring break with a majority of students out of town.

The Palace offers a variety of activities for its patrons including darts, pool, sports on TV, smoking cigarettes indoors, a jukebox, a punching bag, and for the resourceful group: assemble-it-yourself beer pong. 

This picture is not entirely accurate. This is Tally's Palace Saloon
after extensive renovations. DEWG was there pre-renovation.

Tally Palace Saloon signage. They have also been
know to display such things as "Vacuums Suck"

The Palace has a maximum of 3 kinds of beer on tap: Budweiser, Bud Light, and Miller Light. They also offer $2 sake bombs. This is the drink menu in its entirety.

Arriving at this fine establishment, the ladies did a quick scan and were immediately aware that they were out of their element. They avoided eye contact, as they were receiving lingering stares from all others in attendance.

Beverages were selected and the beer pong table was quickly assembled, as this could be placed away from the pedophile-esque gazes.

Pedophile stare

The following is a list of the evening's events (intersperse free sake bomb shots where you feel appropriate in the review of this list):

-Beer Pong.

-Punching Bag

-Bathroom Pow-Wow with DEWG members

-"Bachelorette" convinced to dance on the bar. The height of the roof was not accounted for and the 5'2" bachelorette had to bend over enough to reduce her height to 4'5" in order to stand and "dance" on said bar.

-Beer Pong rematch

-Hostile takeover of Jukebox when Fancy put a $20 in the machine, thinking it would give her change.

-Darts

-Bachelorette makes out with bar patron in the corner-cover is slightly blown as a result.

-Bachelorette approaches identical twin sister/DEWG member and says "He (guy the bachelorette was just spending time in the corner with) thinks you're hot." 

-Punching bag challenge

-Beer Pong challenge with new friends

-Nameless single DEWG member (not Decadence) makes out with "Scab Toes" as he would come to be known.

Visual likeness of Scab Toes' actual feet

-Bathroom heart-to-heart

-Another DEWG member (also not Decadence) assigns herself the duty of finding a male patron to strip for the bachelorette party

It was at this point that Decadence and the DEWG twin decided that perhaps the night should continue elsewhere…elsewhere being home.

Decadence, seemingly responsible by her actions of cutting DEWG members off from more sake bombs by passing them to the twin DEWG, asked for her check. When the tab came, she turned to the twin DEWG and with a panicked look on her face, exclaimed: "I don't know what to DO!" The responsible twin DEWG was forced to add a tip to the tab, then instructed Decadence to sign along the line. Decadence chose to scribble back and forth along the signature line until it was completely blacked out with pen ink. (The duplicate copy of this receipt was found the next morning.)

DEWG's new friend "Scab Toes" was volunteered to drive the ladies home in his PT Cruiser as the ladies were quite aware of their inability to operate any machinery. 

Turns out ole Scab Toes lived across the street from Decadence and twin DEWG.

This list compiles the events that took place following the ladies' return home:

-While still wearing feather boas, various members of the party ran around in circles between the kitchen and living room of Decadence's apartment

-One DEWG member stole a bag of ripe tomatoes from an unknown apartment stoop and proceeded to throw this entire bag of tomatoes from the 3rd story apartment into the parking lot below 

The thrown tomatoes instantly drowned this man

-Either Decadence or Fancy reheated the uneaten portions of the burrito dinner from earlier in the night

-Decadence threw her purse into the corner of the room behind the couch

-Deciding that the burrito leftovers were not enough, either Fancy or Decadence popped 30 day old pot roast/hot beef/slow cooker stew into the microwave in a styrofoam container, where it would stay for the next 30 hours

-The tomato stealing DEWG member rocked herself back and forth in the fetal position in the middle of the living room floor, repeating "Where am I?" for at least 30 minutes.

This is not an actual DEWG member, but it's a cleaner version
of what the DEWG member was doing this night

Ending the story here leaves countless pieces of the puzzle unaddressed. Part two of this historic staycation will recount the events of the day that follows which include (but is not limited to) three DEWG members waking in the same bed and a Scab Toes reunion.

Happy Spring Break!

Don't call it a comeback!

I know you were wondering if Decadence had fallen off a cliff or was sucked into a black hole while traveling through space...but her disappearance was a result of much less exciting ventures. Decadence, in a series of escalating dares, acquired a new dwelling and moved. This caused great upheaval in her interweb access.

Back to business: "Murder Sheds"

What is a murder shed, you ask?
-It is exactly what it sounds like. Murders and murderous attempts happen often.

Murder Shed

Decadence first came into contact with murder sheds as a young girl, although at this time it was not yet referred to as a murder shed. It was a replica of the over-priced murder sheds sold at local home improvement stores built by Father Brown and it housed anything dangerous, scary, sinister, dirty, and unnecessary enough to be banished to said murder shed.

At some point it had a working light, but memory of such a light is now a blur. It was appropriately placed under heavy tree cover, preventing the infiltration of what little light might seep in.

As soon as one stepped onto the platform on which the murder shed sat, one would find themselves covered in spider webs and all that comes with a blanket of webs. If the approaching courageous soul made it past the web fortress, they would soon find themselves sorely disappointed because the contents of the murder shed were in a complete disarray and with no light to lead the way, finding the sought item was the equivalent of winning the lottery. The contents were also covered in spiderwebs, spiders, ticks, lizards, komodo dragons, mice, and snapping turtles.

Murder Shed Creature-still at large

Occasionaly one would luck out and in blindly reaching a hand into the darkness, the brave searcher would find something they were looking for 3 months earlier (something that inevitably had been re-purchased).

Once there was even an alien sighting

Children will play almost anywhere, almost. Decadence and brother frequently played tricks on each other and never thought twice to climb to the tip tops of the sweet gum trees in the yard, solely to scare Mama Brown, but they NEVER played in the murder shed. The murder shed was not a joking matter to the Brown children.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Fast forward many, many years. Decadence moves into a new house during grad school...attached is a murder shed. This murder shed was somehow scarier than the first.

The bottom half of the wooden doors had long since rotted away. On the inside of these doors were strange symbols spray painted in red. Inside the murder shed was a "bathroom" which consisted of a dirt floor, a sink, and the remains of a toilet. There was also a "loft" consisting of a long wooden board covered in throw pillows. One could only assume that this loft was for after-murder naps.

There was also this man looking over a dead body

As soon as Decadence and her roommate moved into this house, the murder shed began to make attacks on its inhabitants, the attached house, and itself. This perhaps was the rare example of a murder-suicide shed.

Brief list-montage of the murder shed's water attacks:

1--It housed a broken water heater
2--Water heater replaced. Upon turning water on to the house, water began shooting from a pipe in the ceiling, immediately filling the dirt floor murder shed with a pool of water. Approaching the shooting water, drenched the individual and the only remedy was to aim the pipe outside of the "bathroom" window.
3--Both sinks leaked constantly. (Murder shed's attempt to slowly flood the house).
4--After 3 days in the house, the only working toilet stopped flushing. While attempting to plunge, the water level in the toilet began to rise uncontrollably. Simultaneously, water began to rise out of the bathtub drain...but not just water. Water+ continued to rise with no end in sight until the bathroom and surrounding area were flooded completely and Decadence retreated to higher ground in the front of the house.

The third rescue attempt from the bathroom flood was successful

This was enough for the duo to vacate the hateful murder-suicide shed and house...so they moved to the house next door.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The new House of Decadence also features a murder shed. Is this murder shed one to fear? 

To be determined...